she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
