Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
