nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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