hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
