i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
you didnt know i had herpes?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
