Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Mom said you looked used
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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