It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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