Welp...herpes.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
