i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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