let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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