i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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