I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize