Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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