i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I have feelings that need drinking.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
not ubering you a puppy
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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