I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
