I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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