I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
