i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
