Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
