I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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