dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
