i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
