Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
