good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
