i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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