i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
