I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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