Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
