the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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