did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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