Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
