you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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