I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
