Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
