Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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