So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
