Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
