All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
