just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
