Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
