Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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