btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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