I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
