That's when you crack a 10am beer
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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