There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
