it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
false alarm. still invincible.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
