I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
