That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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