I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
