remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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