This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
