I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
