Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
