Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
