yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Randomize
