Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
