I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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