): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
