I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
