Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
