i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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