Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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