There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
The adults are the big ones right?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize