Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
