you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
