I'm so fucking centered right now
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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