i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
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