every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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