a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize