Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
My bed is full of blood and feathers
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
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