I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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