I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
