This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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