If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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