Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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