dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
