i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
