You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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