Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I faked an abortion last night.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
