My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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