he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
We have started to decorate penises.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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