i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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