Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
