every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
