honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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