Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Randomize
