i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Randomize
