He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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