Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
