So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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