just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
