I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
