Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
