I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
