so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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