grandma shit on top of the toilet
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
