At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
