I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
