dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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