this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize