Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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