I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
