who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
