its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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