Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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