That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
