This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Randomize
