I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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