i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
