The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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