So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize