Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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