Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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