I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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